Thailand

Arrived at 4am in Bangkok and wandered around for about an hour or so looking for a place to stay - most of the cheapies are full it seems. Luckily for us, we run into a girl on her way to Burma, who gives us a heads up on Merry V guesthouse - a super sweet 200 baht deal off the main drag. We're in Banglamphu, the travelers ghetto of Bangkok proper - where nightlife is sophisticated and distance to sights short. At the heart of it all, legendary Khao San, a caricature of itself full of the usual internet cafes, bars and a great many tailors selling amongst others Ar.mani suits (yes, that's how it's spelled here) for only 89 euros. Shops and stalls line the sidewalks flogging 20 baht Pad Thai, 100 baht bootleg dvd's, assorted cheap fashion, tattoos, dodgy travel deals and what not. The ubiquitous tuk-tuk makes an appearance and you can even pick up a false personalised ID card from the New York Police Department (of all things).

We're lucky, the street we're staying on has numerous food stalls with 20 baht fruit shakes and 30 baht fruit yogurt - an instant hit! They make it well too - the muesli drenched in sweet yogurt, laced with mango, bananas and papaya. The fruit shakes are the real thing too - not the usual concoction of sugar, heaps of sweet condensed milk and just the smitten token of fruit. Being our first walk and explore day we end up at one of the numerous Wats in town (Wat Bononiwes). Religious temple complexes that are the center of Buddhist worship, featuring many gilded buildings, giant stupas and the viharn - which houses the principal Buddha statue. The place is teeming with Thai people, today being one of their monthly prayer days. In true form amongst the Thais, Alana gets blessed by the monk with holy water.

Later in the day we end up at the Golden Mount just around the corner from Phra Mahaka fortress. A gleaming golden chedi sitting on top of a terraced base several stories high that looks out over town, a circular staircase snakes its way up around it. To our astonishment they sell monk ordination kits in the chedi, containing everything a starting monk might need for his 3 months time spent in meditation - cookies, drinks, robes, amulets etc... You can buy one and have it blessed but you can't take it home (we haven't quite figured this one out yet). Getting down from the chedi is a very slow affair, shuffling in a queue that winds around the stupa 360 degrees, people worshiping the Buddha's teeth that are said to be kept inside. Numerous bells adorn the stairways down and in tune with the Thai, we chime every single one of them to help disturb the peace.

Next day a rickety bus takes us to Chatuchak weekend market. No hurry getting that dying gearbox replaced with 20 baht fares it seems. The market is a true gem of a market and so huge its an experience in itself - 8000 stalls of it! The usual stuff is on sale with two dollar shirts and fake nike's shorts vendors thrown in for good measure. Police officers on buggies slowly patrol the streets, shooing away everyone that hasn't paid their stall fee, not because of their illegal wares. There's even a section of shops devoted to the latest pet fashion, owners and poodles alike parading around in low cut jeans and swanky tops - the weirdest thing. All good fun, we bought up a storm.

Powered by Thai fruit yogurt we wander over to Bangkok's national museum - which sets us back a whopping 200 baht each, and you're not even allowed to take the odd photo! The place keeps a range of sophisticated sculptures of the Buddha down to Alexander the Great. Best by far however, is the wing that houses the Royal funeral chariots - golden painted and weighing around 40 tons each they require the pulling power of some 300 men. Standing at 13 meters high, it represents heaven on Mount Meru. Delicate carvings of divinities and dragons set in flames decorate its sides - an expression of crematory rituals. Something wholly else is the ivory gallery, with huge elephant tusks carved out in minute detail. The irony not lost , one of the mahoot's elephant suits is carved entirely from ivory. Intrigued and keen to take a photo of these treasures of old, Guido puts on his "stupid tourist hat" but he doesn't get far.

Bussed to Siam square; a massive shopping complex that sprawls over several blocks. Interconnected by overbridges you can walk from mall to mall without being run over by suicidal traffic - brilliant. Although we're not there to buy anything in particular it maintains a certain pulling factor because of its superbly sanitary environment which the rest of Bangkok overall lacks. Exploring Siam Discovery Center we run into a tv show in the midst of interviewing a popular boy band on air, loads of Thai school girls screaming their lungs out - universal it seems. We also hunt out the Paragon Cineplex theater, one of the most insanely plush cinemas in South East Asia. The movie selection is rather poor so we mill around a private function where people are gathering. Sampling the free drinks and fruit tarts on display we weasel our way into a true movie premier "Bal Ganesh", an animation flick about the Hindu god Ganesh - Shiva & Parvati's elephant-headed son - crazy! Cheesy, disjointed and culturally enriched it is for sure one of the easiest ways to learn about Hindu religion not to mention a cheap night out.

Time for the Grand palace and Wat Pho, the figurative icing on the cake. However, with the entry fee to the royal palace an extortionate 350 baht we just take photos of the temple's tantalizing glittering spheres outside. Maybe next time when we feel we have money to burn.

Wat Pho however is on and not yet touched by the divine hand of commercialization. The oldest temple in Bangkok adorned by inscriptions and diagrams, the Wat today remains an important center for traditional medicine. The resident reclining Buddha particularly imposing - a 45 meter long gilded statue of plaster covered brick depicting the Buddha entering Nirvana.

Making our way back to base camp, an endless stretch of vendors sprawl along the water front selling indeterminate species of pungent smelling dried fish and masses of Buddha amulets. Monks bent over with their eyepieces inspecting potential buys. We drop in at one of the river piers admiring Wat Arun across the river otherwise known as the temple of Dawn. As we take in the sunset a fisherman nearby mends his nets for the next day of fishing.

With the clock ticking we move on East towards the Cambodian border at Hat Lek, with an overnight stay in Trat. A quaint little town with old riverside shacks that radiate a homely feeling. Browsing the market we finally stumble upon the legendary pumpkin custard pie - a hollowed out pumpkin entirely filled with coconut custard! A caloric time bomb we set out to inhale the whole thing, locals poking fun at us. All in all, a nice place to chill out before our dash across the border.

With Guido's Birthday (28th) and New Years coming up we decide to go undercover on one of the paradisal islands on the Gulf Coast before making our way to Bangkok. Infamous the world over - Ko Samui and Ko Pha Ngan - we opt to avoid the stampede crowds and set sail for their lesser known sibling Ko Tao - the smallest and most remote islet of the Samui archipelago. A peaceful 6 hour overnight journey by local freight ferry from Chumphon sees us stranded on Ko Tao, a supposedly illustrious tropical island named after the once resident turtles which, ironically, have long since packed up their shells and left behind this concrete wasteland that once was jungle. Beach front development in overdrive, wooden shacks and concrete blocks fight for space in haphazard fashion amongst the few palm trees that are left standing, for a beach that disappears under high tide.

Optimistically we set off to find a place to stay at Hat Sai Ree beach but that proves to be a tough task with most places either booked out, complete crap or converted into a temporary construction yard to feed the ongoing frenzy for expansion. Adding insult to injury, the transport hawkers charge 90 baht to get there - an astronomical amount for only a 3km drive. Intriguingly, local lore has it that the islanders highly value the 3 S's: Suay (beautiful surroundings), Sa-nook (pleasant life) & Sabay (happyness) but amidst the cacophony of grinding power tools, honking horns of mopeds beeming past, and the crackling of dodgy power lines overhead we are yet to discover these first two values for ourselves. The third will have to wait too as Thai people seem to be particularly hard to find amongst the crowds of pasty, tattooed pommies that flutter around. Stuck in limbo, Guido takes the privilege of moving his birthday until further notice - a good excuse to relive the festivities.

Things however soon start to live up. With a bit of imagination one can see the beauty of the island which once must have looked like the Similan Islands. After searching long and wide we actually find an unusually cheap guesthouse on Ao Chaloke Bankao that looks out over a lush garden lapping the beach - perfect! It even comes with its own unique betelnut chewing manager who irrigates the gardens generously with his saliva.

Having dealt with the formalities of finding a roof over our heads, we walk to the end of the road to have a look at Ko Nang Yuan, a beautiful Y-shaped cluster of granite islands connected by a crescent beach just offshore - with a huge dive resort plonked right in the middle of it. Apparently a world class snorkeling site surrounds it known as the Japanese Gardens, but unfortunately the seas are way too choppy so no go.

Had birthday drinks at the fancy pants resort "Thipwimaru", while admiring the gorgeous views. Wishing we could stay here but with 3000-9000 baht per night rooms probably a bit out of our budget. Further up the hill we walk to Sairee View Resort to check out the whale skeleton which is laid out in their sea shell garden, enjoying the meanest Pad Thai so far. Walking back, hoons on quad bikes tear up and down the main road which measures only 8km - desperately doing burn-outs in the coconut groves, looking for off road action where there is little to be had. Ended the day on a high note with a weird Indian chicken penne pasta fusion meal and birthday sparkles on the beach - all good!

Next day we buzz on our bike to secluded Aow Leuk beach for some snorkeling at the sheltered side of the island. The dirt track is steep with lots of potholes but we make it through in one piece, which is not to say for the couple that comes out behind us from nowhere, skidding out on the dirt. Snorkeling is great though with reasonable visibility and heaps of tame well-fed fish swarming around us, performing kamikaze on our masks. With G's birthday going into its second day we have dinner at the Chinese BBQ Golden buffet. Unlimited varieties of seafood, meat and vege which you fry up over your own charcoal barbecue and steamboat - sweet! Next day we have yet another indulgence - one full hour of oil massage and back, neck and shoulder kneading lulls us into a dream while the waves crash onto the beach and the cold sea breeze keeps the heat bearable. The masseuses are even so kind to apply Aloe Vera on Guido's eye which has swollen up considerably over the last couple of days, courtesy of an exotic fungal infection which makes it look like you've been punched in the face.

We walk our way back past the pier via a walking trail that takes you around the back and more remote part of the island. Some nice bouldery beaches and a string of resorts we come along - all under construction, eagerly beavering away to make more bungalows. 31st December 2008 - it pisses down in the morning and proceeds into a dull grey afternoon with the occasional shower. Not the most inspiring weather so we put our snorkeling plans on hold and lazily read books instead - a relaxing day of eating and drinking to mark the end of 2008. No NY resolutions planned but we spontaneously book a ride to Bangkok - enough with the beach bumming, time for a change. We have no plans for the evening either so we hire a moped and cruise to the main beach area, see what the night has in store for us. Wandering around we stumble upon a "free buffet" sign with throngs of people lining up - score! Not just any buffet either but some of the most delectable food imaginable - Thai food, shoarma, mediterranean, ricotta, prawns, lasagna..salivating...

On the beach an Aussie guy plays his acoustic set with all the usual classics, Thai families send off lucky lanterns into the night, fire shows, people jumping through fire hoops, fireworks blast over the beach, kiddies dancing on the beach with their sparkles - the place goes off. Slowly, the DJ's take over and let loose their beats on the beach crowds: Ko Tao's own New Year's Eve full moon party - the island has redeemed itself.

We're not off the hook that easily however. New Year's day begins with a front, dropped on the island overnight. A three hour boat ride from hell back to Chumphon follows with huge swells hitting us side on, tilting the boat 40 degrees repeatedly while the engine cuts out. We probably shouldn't be here but Bangkok awaits.

Back in the provincial capital that is Ranong. Populated by a rich mixture of Burmese, Thai and Malay people and a flourishing trade in all things illegal this funky little frontier oozes the kind of charm that is unique to such border towns. With precious little to do we soak up the the lively atmosphere in one long R & R session, and scheme our visa run for the next day. No need it appears, as such tedious formalities can be dealt with in one cheap pre-arranged package tour - a tell-tale sign of the sophisticated entrepeneurship that rules Thailand (and that money can literally be squeezed out of thin air). Having chosen the hassle-free way we jump on a songthaew followed by a longtail boat to the Burmese border town of Kaw Thuang that awaits on the other side of the Chan estuary. Bureaucracy however is not that easily triffled with and several hours and seven military check points later we find ourselves back on Thai soil again with a fresh stamp, giving us another two weeks of grace in Thailand. Pity we didn't have time to hunt out that 30 Baht Burmese rum!

The four of us catch the bus to Ranong (3hrs) – a hole of a place close to the border with Burma. From there we catch the slow boat to Ko Payam (2.5hrs) laden up with locals and suppliers. A slow, relaxing journey follows that takes us past many uninhabited islands. Home to around 500 people who mainly make their living from fishing, growing cashew nuts, coconut palms and rubber trees, Ko Payam counts only one village, a pier, a temple, and a few shops and is very much of the tourist radar (you can tell by the number of hippies running around). Moto-taxi’s take us to “Ao Yai” the nicest beach on the island. Alana lucked out and got the frail old driver who for starters dropped her and the bike while stationary - confidence shot right from the start! =)

The road to Ao Yai is a narrow, cracked concrete motorbike track (no cars allowed here) with a few restos and homes along the way but most of the island remains undeveloped (for now) so it's a real treat to be here before it becomes the next big thing. A beautiful long beach dotted with bungalows and chill out areas, complete with a few low key bars is our home for the next wee while. We find small but cheap bungalows by Joker Bar and move in just in time to appreciate the sunset with happy hour pina coladas at the neighbouring bar - served in plastic cups, classy!

The bar is having a "black and white" party that night and they've gone all out with fluoro lights, streamers and costumes (it really does look wicked!). After dinner and some beers we get adventurous and drink Sangsom whiskey and coke at the beach fire while one of the British expats tells us he came here for a holiday four years ago and pretty much never left - he built his own bungalow on the beach for $50. He reckons we won't leave this place in a hurry - many farangs seem to stay on... "welcome to Hotel California...such a lovely place".

Time to meet our hosts at "Joker Bar" - there's crocodile man (covered in tattoo's, piercings, and wearing a cape) who speaks in nonsense "How are you today... for tomorrow?". And Tiko who assumes managerial position one moment, then breaks out into manic laughter and crazed ramblings the next. They give us the "catalogue" menu to order from (which is a blatant copy of the fancy Russian Resto's menu on the other side of the island) and say we can have whatever we want - yet everything we ask for they apparently have to drive to the Russian Resto to check, then come back to us and apologize for unavailability. As such it takes a while to get a feed and everyone ends up with random food that was never ordered in the first place. At least we got a feed though - considering they're all high as kites 24/7. We chill out on a bamboo bed on the beach, amongst cushions and axe pillows until happy hour commences and it's that pina colada time again.

We hire dodgy manual motorbikes and head off to explore the island (which doesn't take long as the island measures only 4x7km at it's largest points). Past the pier, Buddhist statues, and shrines, and over to the other beach to chill out at Hippy Bar. Then back to the pier to stock up on booze for our xmas eve eve party - one large Mekong whiskey and coke, one large white rum, some assorted pina colada ingredients and one big plastic bucket from the general store. Back home we decorate our xmas palm with beer cans and an angel made by the girls "so pretty", drinking homemade cocktails from the huge bucket on the deck surrounded by balloons and our xmas palm.

Our party overshadows life at the bar and the jokers keep coming over to join in on the fun and impart their wisdom. They even play "Job to do" all night at our request (a wicked and very popular thai reggae band). We get really excited when santa, with his yolly grey beard and big pukenui, arrives at our xmas party - but our excitement is short lived as the American santa grumps at us for being too loud (I guess he has a big day tomorrow...). Stargazing and beach fires follow when our buckets go dry.

Christmas Eve begins hungover and with a large nasty centipede in Leesh's bag, a huge fat black spider in her bungalow, and a mild motorbike crash on the way to brekky, breaking the side mirror. But we have pressies by the tree so life is still good! Hooray for Xmas! We then bid farewell to Leesh and Skiv who leave us for Bangkok and find a fabulous resto that gives us a free xmas eve buffet dinner (because rich foreigners had already paid for it). Love the xmas spirit!

Merry Xmas! We treat ourselves to a large pot of Italian Espresso Coffee and chocolate brownies at our new fave resto, while lazing in the hammock. We then migrate to the beach for more lazing, eating and drinking all day (as you do on xmas) and toast to all our family and friends with many a delicious pina colada.

We find ourselves en route to Khao Lak (via the dusty township of Klok Kloi) for some premium diving at the Similan Islands with our mates Leesh and Skiv. Rumor has it these islands harbor some of the best diving in the world so we decided to check out for ourselves what all the buzz is about. Not surprisingly, diving is what makes this place tick but still we marvel at the never ending number of dive shops that somehow eck out a living here - dozens of them line the main (and only) street. The place is lively and has made a great comeback since that disastrous Christmas four years ago. One of the worst hit places, the tsunami rolled in with tidal waves up to 11 meters and wiped it off the map, a beached police boat next to the motorway, 2km inland, testament to the havoc wreaked here. We check in at the Youth Club at the end of town and score a pretty sweet room which even has its own hot water and beer fridge (a steal for 350 Baht). Time for cheap drinkies from the local 7 eleven!

The next day is pretty cruisy and spent on the curvy white sand beaches that make up Khao Lak, since we’re waiting for Leesh & Skiv to arrive back from Khao Sok National Park. Met up in the arvo and had good catch ups over dinner, followed by some Changs and choccies on the beach and lucky lanterns that reach for the skies around us (it brings good luck to light one of these things – a Thai tradition).

Up at the crack of dawn for our three day liveaboard dive trip with a diving outfit called "Wicked". We have a traditional Thai fireworks show as we leave the pier for good luck… and so begins the four hour boat trip to the Similan Islands – rated as one of the top ten dive sites in the world! A chain of nine islands, 64km off the mainland where 3 days of eating, diving, socializing, eating and diving eagerly awaits.

Stunning topography surrounds us. The islands, simply referred to as number one to nine are shaped by smooth weather worn granite boulders, set in lush jungle and surrounded by crystal clear waters at an inviting 29 degrees and, of course, 30 meters visibility. The diving is pretty much picture perfect with a large variety of dive sites for the picking; submerged mammoth boulders and tunnels to navigate through at Elephant head rock, coral gardens aplenty at East of Eden. We’re consistently surrounded by an abundance of marine life to entertain us – seal faced pufferfish, banded sea snake, nemo's, oriental sweetlips, napoleon wrasse, jellyfish, lionfish, morays, unicorn fish, clown triggerfish, batfish, sea turtle, porcupine puffer, baby white-tipped reef shark, garden eels (that look like finger puppets sticking out of the sand), barracuda, khule stingray, and many many more. We even saw a couple of leopard sharks at Xmas Point dive site – definitely one of the highlights. It’s the kind of thing you have to see and experience but we really didn’t want to fork out lots of moolah for murky photos so we googled a website that already did it for us – www.similans.net (I know, we’re cheapasses).

Since the whole thing cost us an arm and a leg anyway we did our Advanced Open Water Certificate with Leesh and Skiv so had 5 dives of the 9 to count towards specialties – "navigation" (who would've thought it would be so hard to go in a straight line?), "Peak Performance Buoyancy", "Deep Water" (where you go to 30 meters depth but most of us had already done so with dodgy operators elsewhere), "Night Dive", and the bio geeks fave "Fish ID". Interesting experience, since our instructor (fresh from diving school) was a weird sort of headmistress personality - always over excited about everything and wet her pants every time she saw fish. And who would have guessed that a 7.30am dive would be the perfect way to wake up… so peaceful, dreamy, relaxing.

The food is spectacular too thanks to the Thai chefs onboard who cook for us round the clock. We get fed five times daily, huge buffet style and we don't have to clean up or lift a finger either! We're treated like royalty as the Dive Master Trainees (DMT's) are running the show and try to make a good impression as it is their last exam on this trip. Downtime onboard includes relaxing on the sundeck, chatting, and more eating – who needs weight belts anyway? The four of us even went snorkeling with a very friendly sea turtle at Donald Duck Bay while everyone else opted for the beach. Alana jumped in first – slight trepidation as the sea turtle headed straight for her… but it was just curious and looking for an easy feed. The turtle hung around for a while so we swum with it for ages – a mutual attraction and an amazing experience!

We later got the opportunity to go ashore and walk up to the viewpoint – a pristine, practically secluded environment with stunning views. Once the sun sinks, so do we, for our night dive. The night dive is particularly freaky at first, jumping off the boat into ink black water which then turns into some sort of suspension in utero. We see lobsters, morays, lionfish, scorpionfish, cleaner shrimp, flatworm, and a large purple parrotfish sleeping vertically, wedged in amongst the coral – how strange!

Unfortunately, all good things come to an end and on our way back to Khao Lak we stop for our final dive at a wreck called Boonsong (an old tin miner). No luxury of 25 meters visibility here – but that just adds to the charm. However, there are millions of lionfish hovering around, scorpionfish hiding and large porcupine pufferfish surround us. One pufferfish gets the boot from Thomas, our DMT instructors fins - never trust a man diving in speedos and adorned in a cape (a tradition for his 100th dive). Never seen a pufferfish so horrified either! On top of this we see many tiny honeycomb moray, white-eyed moray, batfish, yellow boxfish, and goatfish. Back on board as the sun sets we head back to Khao Lak - many people seasick at this point… So we wrote the day after off as a recovery day and lay in the sun by the pool dining on Pringles, ice creams and 7 eleven burgers (no wonder we all felt ill!) and had drinks on the deck at Youth Club to celebrate our completed Dive Certificate – go us!